Part One – The Problem
Once you get to be a certain age, there isn’t a lot of dating going on amongst the single Mormon people. I used to think it was just me. Co-workers (who are not Mormon) would ask, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” Um…obviously because I’m such a huge loser. I thought that maybe if I was more outgoing I would date more. Or if I was nicer or cuter, I would date more. Maybe if I lost 10 pounds it would make a difference (it didn't). I started to feel really bad about it. Then I got more observant. It seemed I wasn’t the only girl at church with this issue. A lot of my friends and acquaintances, who I thought were completely normal, nice, attractive girls, weren’t getting asked out either. After talking to a lot of these girls I realized there was one common feeling among them: What is wrong with me that I can’t get a date!?
Another thing I started noticing was that out in the “real world” (meaning not church), guys had a completely different reaction to me. They would smile and flirt with me. Go out of their way to hold the door open for me. I’ve had complete strangers come up and tell me how nice I looked. I also noticed that many completely average girls (average in appearance, personality, intelligence, etc.) had no problem finding dates/boyfriends/husbands. What was going on? I mentioned this to some friends and got all sorts of feedback. I heard things like:
“The guys from work would always ask me, ‘Why don't you have a boyfriend!?!’ They were always complimenting me and couldn't figure out why I didn't date more. They obviously thought I was dateable, but guys in the ward... I mean, they always seem to be waiting for a written invitation.”
Or:
“I feel bad that guys at church never ask me out. It's really not fair because I don't think I'm actually that bad.”
WHAT? I don’t think I’m actually that bad? I’m sorry, but no girl (especially this one who is such a cute girl) should have to walk out of CHURCH feeling like that!!! And I’ve thought it myself many times, “Am I really that bad?”
After being frustrated with my thoughts, I decided to conduct an extremely scientific study. I got the pictures of five guys and five girls from church. I tried to pick five guys who I thought were reasonably normal, dateable guys. I also picked five girls who I thought were fairly representative of the types of girls that are found in our ward. Representative meaning reasonably attractive girls that I would think should have no problem finding dates, but for some reason do have a hard time with it. I also tried to pick pictures that showed what the people actually looked like. I didn’t pick pictures that made the guys look like dorks and the girls look cuter than they actually were.
THE TEST
I first paired each guy picture with two different girl pictures. I then asked two guys (who are around my age) that I work with to help me out. Without telling them what I was up to, I had them look at the “couples” I had paired together. Their job was to tell me if they thought the couple was equally matched as far as physical attractiveness went, or if one person could be considered out of the other person’s league.
THE RESULTS
Of the 10 couples:
Co-worker #1 said there was:
1 instance of the guy being out of the girl’s league
4 instances of acceptable matches (with two cases of the girl being more attractive)
5 instances of the girl being out of the guy’s league
Co-worker #2 said there was:
1 instance of the guy being out of the girl’s league
6 instances of acceptable matches (with a few of the girls clearly holding the upper hand)
3 instances of the girl clearly being out of the guy’s league
When I told one of those co-workers what I was doing, and that these girls had hard times getting dates, he didn’t believe it. Then he told me to have one of the girls (a specific one) call him!
Apparently these girls are 'good' enough for non-LDS guys…so what’s the deal?
To be continued…
5 comments:
You should write a book on this! I love it! I'm so excited to see the next installments. This is well written, and a good discription of how we feel!
HAHAHAHA......was i one of the girls, please tell me know.....i want to see the "couples" bring them to dinner.
This is great, Christi! It really does represent what it's like in our ward. And it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one! What's the next step in the experiment? Seeing how many phone numbers girls in the ward can get at a night club? ;)
I think you're on to something Katherine! No, no, I think we've already proved that the girls in the ward are hot, it's the guys who need help. Now it's just a matter of figuring out the solution!
This is great! I love that you say what we're all thinking!
Post a Comment