A shameless copy of Elizabeth's post

I haven't blogged in awhile. For awhile I couldn't come up with anything witty, but then I just got out of the habit. So when Elizabeth came up with a list of things that make her happy and sad, I thought, "I can handle that." So here goes:

Things that make me happy:

My family (most of the time)
The first Mountain Dew of the day. My goal of not buying them from the vending machines lasted 1.5. days
Waking up at 6:30 on a Saturday, initially thinking it's Friday, but then realizing I can go back to bed
Money (Elizabeth wrote just kidding after this one. I'm not that good of a person)
Puppies, kittens, and babies. Not necessarily in that order
Friends
My hair

Things that make me sad:
The movie 'Honey'
Jessica Alba in general
Bad haircuts
Being bored
Jack Mormon guys who say what they think I want to hear
Bad pictures of me being tagged on Facebook.

So there you have it. Hopefully I'll get back into the swing of this blog thing. Don't hold your breath.

There are a lot of things in life that I do not understand. For example, why some Christian people try to find the resemblance of the Virgin Mary or Jesus in their food. I don't know about you, but when I'm eating Cheetos, I pull one out of the bag and put it in my mouth. There isn't a whole lot of inspection involved. I asked my Catholic friend, and he didn't really know why people do that either. I also don't understand how you let your cat get up to 44 pounds, then release it into the wild when your house is foreclosed. I mean, obviously there are some money management issues there. I have some fat cats, but it would cost a lot of money for me to buy enough food to plump them up to 44 pounds. So were they using the mortgage money on food for Fido? I don't know.
But what I really don't understand is my inability to pick a line. Any line really. At the grocery store, at a fast food place, or the security line at the airport, I ALWAYS pick the wrong one. You know, the one that looks like it will obviously be the faster line, but you end up waiting for 10 minutes instead of 2. Just this week I was in a grocery line where the receipt paper ran out. The cashier never could get it changed, and I had to move to another line. To wait. Again. Also this week, I was waiting in line at Comerica Park to buy my french fries, and they just closed my line. Right when I was near the front. I basically had to start over.
I've tried all sorts of modifications to my line choice. I try picking the shortest one. I try picking the longest one. I try picking the one with no small children. Evenutally I tried the George Castanza method. I would decide which line I thought would be the shortest, then choose the opposite. That didn't work.
Now I've given up. I just choose the line that is closest and prepare to wait. One time I did this, and the lady behind me said, "What is taking so long?" I turned to her and said, "You kind of jinxed yourself when you chose the same line as me. Sorry!"

A new beginning

Today at approximately 2:40 pm, something amazing happened. I purchased my last 20 ounce Diet Mountain Dew from the vending machine. That's right, I've decided that this habit is far too expensive. I figure I put about $15 a week in that stupid vending machine just to get my Diet Mountain Dew fix. That's $60 a month! Ok, maybe I shouldn't have typed that out. I'm starting to think $60 a month isn't that much for something that brings me so much happiness! But I really do have to be strong. I've made a pretty ambitious goal of paying down all of my student loan and auto debt by my birthday, which is in March. That means cutting out all of the non-essentials.
Don't get me wrong, I'll still probably buy a 2-liter every week or so. Or possibly two. Maybe three, you know, if they are on sale. But I can quit at any time, I swear.

Gaining Weight

I've decided that I need to gain 50 pounds. The reason? So I can come up with a miraculous diet plan, write a best selling book about my weight loss endeavors, and have the need of an accounting job become a distant memory in my life. Seriously, this is an actual sentence I read today at work:

"Debt and equity securities not classified as either held-to-maturity securities or trading securities are classified as available-for-sale securities and reported at fair value, with unrealized gains and losses excluded from earnings and reported in a separate component of shareholders' equity."

Not only am I paid to read stuff like that, but I'm supposed to
A: Understand it
B: Care

So you can see the need for the best selling diet book. I think my diet book has a better chance of becoming a best seller if I actually lose weight by using its methods. Gives me a little street cred, you know? So what will my diet entail? I can't really say, it being proprietary information and all, but I'll give you a hint. The title of my book will be… (drum roll please)
The Sugar-Free Fudge-pop Diet (Your Key to Weight Loss that Lasts!)

Coming to a bookstore near you. Prepare to be blown away!

Week in review (July 6-12)

Monday
Watched the Bachelorette finale. Did anyone else think she would pick the snowboarder with weird hair? I didn't see it coming. I think her dad was kind of upset about it as well.

Tuesday
Ellie wears high heels to the Tigers game. We get into a bit of a discussion about whether this is a responsible clothing choice. It's not. One of my biggest pet peeves is girls hobbling around Comerica Park in their heels, trying to keep up with their dates. It's a baseball game ladies! Not the Prom! Besides, guys think it's hot when you wear sporty stuff. Even though I have to agree that a lot of it looks ridiculous.
Somehow I am not able to make Matt Joyce my boyfriend. Oh well, maybe next game.

Wednesday
I get my hair cut. Yay! Then I meet Monica for sushi at 'O Sushi' in Canton. This is my first sushi experience in years, and I must say I enjoyed it much more this time around. I give props to Monica for not making fun of me too bad when I ended up having to use the little kid chopsticks. She did, however, recommend that I not do sushi on a date. Words to live by.

Thursday
I buy a bike from a co-worker. I'm pretty excited about this! Directly after work I go to Target to get a helmet and a gel seat cover. I ride around for about an hour, and I actually enjoy it. It's hard to keep my heart rate up though, I keep having to stop at red lights and stop signs. I'm going to take my bike to Hines Park Saturday morning.

Friday
The gel seat cover did not help. I feel like my butt is one big bruise! I'm not really sure how to remedy this issue. Any suggestions?
It's 3:30 Friday afternoon. 90 more minutes until this work week is over!

Who's your Tiger?

If you live anywhere near the Detroit area you are probably familiar with this phrase. It's on TV commercials, billboards, flimsy cardboard signs given out at the games, it's everywhere. I've given this question a lot of thought over the last three years. Some might argue that it's not really a question that necessitates deep thinking, but I've always struggled with it. Whenever someone asks who my favorite Tiger is, I usually have to give them the list of who my favorite Tiger is NOT, as that list is much shorter. (Nefi Perez anyone?)
In the last week, this has all changed. I was watching the game last week on TV, when a friend texted me to bring my attention to the player that has just come up to bat. "This guy looks like your type." And my type he was. He was tall, had dark hair, and in that very at bat he hit a stand up triple. I immediately googled him and found out that he's 23. Perfect! I have a bad habit of liking them young :) His name is Matt Joyce, and he had just been brought up from the Triple-A team in Toledo to replace Ordonez, who is on the DL. (DL means disabled list, not down low, which I just found out means something different than what I thought it did).
All of this was fine and good, but today my admiration reached a new level. There was a story on the news about how a black kitten somehow got loose in the indoor area where the Tigers have batting practice when it is raining. They showed the kitten up in the rafters, and then they showed Matt Joyce cuddling up with the kitten with a huge smile on his face. It was, quite frankly, the cutest thing I've ever seen.
I figure the whole situation is pretty much perfect. He's cute, he plays baseball, and yet he's not that famous. That's a plus because I really don't need the paparazzi following my every move, you know? I'm going to the game tonight, where I plan on getting this whole relationship started. I'll let you know how it goes!

To the 19 year old

Today when we made eye contact in church I got kind of nervous that somehow you could have possibly heard about my blog post that basically said I was after you. The term 'cougar' may or may not have been used. I just want to assure you that the post was just a joke, and that I have no intention of stalking you in the near future. Or ever, really. So...carry on.