Gaining Weight

I've decided that I need to gain 50 pounds. The reason? So I can come up with a miraculous diet plan, write a best selling book about my weight loss endeavors, and have the need of an accounting job become a distant memory in my life. Seriously, this is an actual sentence I read today at work:

"Debt and equity securities not classified as either held-to-maturity securities or trading securities are classified as available-for-sale securities and reported at fair value, with unrealized gains and losses excluded from earnings and reported in a separate component of shareholders' equity."

Not only am I paid to read stuff like that, but I'm supposed to
A: Understand it
B: Care

So you can see the need for the best selling diet book. I think my diet book has a better chance of becoming a best seller if I actually lose weight by using its methods. Gives me a little street cred, you know? So what will my diet entail? I can't really say, it being proprietary information and all, but I'll give you a hint. The title of my book will be… (drum roll please)
The Sugar-Free Fudge-pop Diet (Your Key to Weight Loss that Lasts!)

Coming to a bookstore near you. Prepare to be blown away!